10 Things to do before I turn 30

Well, whoop-de-doo, I'm 25.

Actually, yeah, whoop-de-doo indeed. I'm 25 years old – I have a job I enjoy, confidence, a good education, family and friends I love and great guy beside me. I'm doing ok. I might not be where I wanted to be by the measures of my naïve 15 year old self, but she thought I'd be running my own restaurant and sipping Champagne out of the navels of male models about now. Two things I have no interest in doing any more.

But I am turning 25 and I've never been too happy about getting older. Everyone tells me I'm being silly, that I'm exaggerating. And you know, I think they might be right. This is the first birthday where anything is possible. I'm not mourning what I've left behind but looking forward to what's ahead... and it's exciting. So with that said here's a list of things I want to do before I turn 30. One that, no doubt, I will regret making when I don't get around to any of them.

1. 

   http://www.fotopedia.com/items/flickr-3599402256

   Achievable: Visit New York
   Fantasy: Star as the lead in a Broadway musical
2. Achievable: Move into a bigger place with an actual decent wardrobe
   Fantasy: Said place will not be anywhere out of zone 3
3. Achievable: Write a 6 episode sitcom
   Fantasy: Actually get it on television
4. Achievable: Go on a Fugitives and Refugees tour of Portland

   

   I heart Chuck

   Fantasy: Actually meet Chuck Palahniuk and get him to sign my arm so I can have it tattooed on.
5. Achievable: Ride in a Gondola
   Fantasy: Not complain about how expensive it is in Europe the whole time I'm there.
   
   
6. Achievable: Exercise more
   Fantasy: Run the London Marathon
7. Achievable: Camp at a festival

   

   www.vietnamfood.org

   Fantasy: Make it through without having a little weep when the tent won't stay up
8. Achievable: Eat Banh Mi on the streets of Ha Noi
   Fantasy: Only eat one per sitting
   
   
9. Achievable: Find out who Your Mother is
   Fantasy: Feel genuine satisfaction during the grand finale
10. Achievable: Enjoy hot tubing out doors in the Rockies

    

    www.tripadvisor.com

    Fantasy: Time travel to the eighties.

The Laughing Armadillo's Concert Awards

The Laughing Armadillo's Concert Awards

The other night I witnessed one of the most beautiful man made spectacles I have ever seen. Coldplay are really something to see live. They're a band that polarise opinion like no other. Those that love them see beautiful melodies and heartfelt lyrics. Those that hate them have labelled them whiny and depressing. But you know, each to their own. I think dubstep sounds like roadworks, chart toppers are repetitive cheesy nonsense and if I hear another rapper brag about his bitches and hoes I'll voluntarily strangle him with my fallopian tubes! For me, they're one of those bands that write lyrics that stay with me, much the same way that Nirvana's do. And to have their concerts be something magical and hypnotic is just the most special thing for a fan. Because, really if a band can't deliver when they're live, musically or visually, then what use are they to the world? So here I present to you my winners, and losers, of The Laughing Armadillo's Concert Awards as of June 6^th 2012.

Best Venue

Nominees:

The Koko Club (Trivium 2010)

Wembly Stadium (Muse 2007, Coldplay 2009)

Emirates Stadium (Coldplay 2012)

Brixton Academy (Disturbed 2008)

Winner: The Koko Club. Intimate venue, with lots of nooks and crannies to huddle in when you need a break from the mosh. The only drawback would be the 100ml bottle of water on offer for £2.10!

Best Song Performed Live

Nominees:

The Wicker Man (Iron Maiden, 2011)

Lovers in Japan (Coldplay 2009)

New Moon Rising (Wolfmother, 2011)

Monarchy of Roses (Red Hot Chili Peppers, 2011)

Winner: The Wicker Man. Not a song of Iron Maiden's I was very familiar with at the time. Now, as of that fateful day last August I will never forget head banging my heart out and waving my fist in the air to the eardrum rupturing chant, “YOUR TIME WILL COOOOOOME!” Breathtaking.

Most Embarrassed to Acknowledge Seeing

Nominees:

Peter Andre (head liner), 1997

911 (head liners), 1999

Bewitched (supporting act), 1999

Girls Aloud (supporting act), 2009

Winner: Bewitched. Dear mother of everything sacred, its bad enough I went to see 911 let alone sit though this lot! In my defence, 1999 was a long time ago.

Best Stage Performance

Nominees:

Red Hot Chili Peppers, 2011

Iron Maiden, 2011

Ben Folds, 2001

Wolfmother, 2011

Winner: Wolfmother. This was a tough one, but I gotta give it to Wolfmother just for the sheer energy, their singer Andrew's afro and the crazy, crazy keyboardist who went bananas and never hit a bum key. Ben Folds just misses out because it was so long ago I don't remember much beyond him playing the piano with his feet. But the closest contender had to be Iron Maiden because Bruce Dickinson has still got it – flying about the stage like a man possessed, you know he loves what he does quite unlike anyone else.

Most Emotional Moment

Nominees:

Fix You (Coldplay, 2012)

Photograph (Nickelback, 2007)

Shiver (Coldplay, 2009)

The Resistance (Muse, 2010)

Winner: The Resistance. Right in the heart of the mosh, singing with Philip as if our lives depended on it; young and at the start of our own love story - “Love is our ressssssssssssssssistance.” Unforgettable. Just missing the top spot, Nickelback's performance of Photograph from 2007 was special for me because here I was with two people I'd spent my secondary school years with from start to finish, in a place I might never visit again (hope that's not the case!) and I knew that things would never be the same. As the stock polaroid shots of teenagers larking about faded in and out on the big screens I thought of how our school days were simply going to exist in photographs from now on. Now don't tell me that's not something to get choked up about.

Hottest Musician

Nominees:

Tom Smith (Vocal for Editors, 2010)

John Frusciante (Guitar for Red Hot Chili Peppers, 2001)

Matt Heafy (Lead Vocals and Guitar for Trivium, 2010)

Dave Grohl ( Lead Vocals and Guitar for The Foo Fighters, 2001)

Winner: Matt Heafy. Just because wow. And because when he plays guitar, his arms flex and glisten the way you imagine the arms of Adonis-like athletes in the ancient Olympics would do... I'm such a groupie...

Best Stage Design/Concept

Nominees:

The Final Frontier (Iron Maiden, 2011)

Black Holes and Revelations (Muse, 2007)

Mylo Xyloto (Coldplay, 2012)

Winner: Black Holes and Revelations. Muse just pips it because they managed to make the crowd look like an alien in aerial shots of the gig. Their space geek fetish does wonders for set brainstorming sessions.

Weirdest Outfit

Nominees:

Matt Bellamy – The Red Suit (Muse, 2007)

Dom Howard – The Silver One-sy (Muse, 2007)

Robyn – The Velvet Gold Leggings (Supporting Act for Coldplay, 2012)

Winner: Robyn. First place goes to the super skin tight gold leggings that left very little to the imagination, so much so we found ourselves averting our eyes.

Best Supporting Act

Nominees:

Puddle of Mud, 2007

Jay-Z, 2009

Chimera, 2010

Pulled Apart By Horses, 2010

Winner: Puddle of Mud. Because the phrase “She fucking hates me!” was invented to be shouted in stadiums across the world.

Worst Supporting Act

Nominees:

Shy Child, 2007

Dragonforce, 2010

Gold Rush, 2011

Winner: Dragonforce. Well, honestly there are no winners here. All three are in this category because they were painful to listen to, incredibly boring and did nothing to 'arouse' the audience, as a support band is meant to – talk about no foreplay. Shy Child were a two piece band that sounded like half a dozen cats screwing. Unable to believe their luck at getting to play Wembley, they grinned uncomfortably through the whole thing and every time they introduced a new song we were both horrified our ordeal wasn't over and perplexed that the next song sounded exactly like the previous one. However, Dragonforce very nearly ruined Iron Maiden's set for me because the childish, embellished guitar playing was enough to give me the mother of all migraines. You are not the heroes of the universe, unless the universe occupies the space between the rim of the toilet bowl and the start of the waste pipe. If I wanted to feel like I was stuck in a shit video game I'd just watch Tron again.

Best Concert Overall

Well, I couldn't possibly answer that because each one holds such wonderful memories... Live music is by far the greatest escape. Better even than cinema or the theatre. A chance to let who you are take over every part of you. Whether its the spectacle, the music, the dancing, the singing, the emotion, the kissing, the swaying, the strangers protecting each other, the mosh, the headbanging, the screaming, the violent clapping, the spontaneous hugging (lot of that going on at Wolfmother), the zombie like stretching of arms, the devil horns, the falling over, the thrashing, the jumping, the chanting, the squeezing, the foot stomping, the sweating, all pressed up against people you've never met and will probably never see again... well, where else in public would you be allowed to do all that without being sectioned? Bliss.

Dear Rain...

Dear Rain,
This really isn't working out for me... I'm sorry. Its me not you. I mean, I just don't think I can handle having you touch me any more. The noise you make that was once so cute is now just deafening to me and the grey sky you blanket us in is not longer cosy, just suffocating. I think we should see other people. Sunshine really understands my needs right now.. we're both in more of the same place.
I hope you find someone who truly appreciates you. There are lots of places where you'd be loved and feel needed.
I hope you understand and I hope we can stay friends.
With (now just platonic) Love, LA xxx

Hair, old age and other exaggerations...

I have reached an inevitable point in my beauty regime. Forgive me for discussing such trivial things but I promise I'll get to the point I'm trying to make soon. You see, every month or so I dye my hair from jet black to various shades of red or purple... Why I hear you ask would someone with rich dark black hair ever want to dye it? Most people attempt to dye their hair my natural colour and more often than not look like Goths. All well and good if you are actually are a Goth, but most people just look washed out. That said, my natural hair colour suits me. Olive complexion and thick eyebrows. Black just works. But its bloody boring and after 20 years or so I wanted a change. I like being a redhead. It suits me too if you can overlook the fact that my eyebrows are black, but hey. Its slowly turning into a trademark of mine. Trouble is my roots have grown out a fair deal now and I'm thinking, maybe I should just leave it. In honour of Ms Winehouse, I do miss her dearly, perhaps I too should go Back to Black. It seems like nothing but its a big decision. My hair is very long and I'm frightened of damaging it. And it took a great deal of time to lighten my hair enough for the red dye to actually show up. If I do go back to black and then change my mind, it'll take forever to get it back to red – and no one ever wrote a song called 'Back to Red'. However, and this brings me to my real dilemma, a few seconds too long in front of the mirror last week and I discovered that my major hair decision may have been made for me.

When I was growing up my parents ran a green grocers and all too often after primary school I would spend the afternoon behind the counter with my mother. Starting to reach an age when the true fear of growing old kicks in, my mum would regularly ask me to check her hair for signs of grey. The coast was always clear until one fateful Friday afternoon. I didn't know whether to tell her or not, but I think the laughing gave it away. She screamed. In a hysterical panic she ran to the mirror. Frantically she ran her hands through her hair looking for it, desperate to see the horrible truth for herself. “Pull it out, pull it out!!” She screamed. “But Mum, you're not supposed to. Won't ten grow back in its place?” I replied, feeling helpless in the kind of way only a naïve child can. My heart sunk that day. My mother's reaction had frightened me somewhat. It was only when I got older that I realised how much the whole event had been over dramatised. But I remember how it made me feel at the time. And I swore from that day that I wouldn't be like my parents. I would grow old gracefully. I wouldn't panic about these things. I would accept old age as a fact of life and relish in greater experience.

But what the hell did I know? I was nine. I hadn't even had a chance to be young yet. As a teenager you feel invincible... I could walk for miles upon miles, stay up all night and drink heavily without dire consequences. But times change and even now in my twenties, I can't drink as much as I once did, I can't seem to keep off the weight like I used to and every time I lift up something too heavy I ache for days. Barely in my prime and my body is getting ready to start decomposing. I am past my peak and worst of all, my hair follicles seem to have caught on. Last week, I found myself, just like my mother standing in front of the mirror desperately trying to find the grey hair I had caught a glimpse of while brushing my teeth. At first I couldn't believe it. I thought it might have just been a strand of hair shining in the light from the window. Just my eyes playing tricks on me. It couldn't possibly... But no, there it was, almost white against my jet black roots. I even contemplated the idea of pulling it out – but I was afraid of confronting it with my own eyes. My mum was 37 when I discovered her first grey hair. I'm 24 years old... Educated, unemployed and still a redhead, no longer by choice.

Mum's quote of the day

"You can't make yoghurt unless you make the first yoghurt."

Mum's quote of the day

"She's got two tongues!"

Room 101 - Back on the box

Room 101

Room 101 originally refers to the torture chamber that features in George Orwell's novel Nineteen Eighty-Four. Situated in the ironically named Ministry of Love, Room 101 is where political prisoners are subjected to their deepest, darkest fears – thought of as the worst possible kind of torture.

In 1994 there came about a show on the BBC that took the concept of Room 101 and invited celebrities to come along and argue why they thought a particular item/person/habit etc.. should be subjected to the torture of Room 101. Although I wasn't familiar with Nick Hancock as host, I become a loyal viewer during Paul Merton's days. I loved, and still do, Merton's surreal humour, his voice and just about everything else about him. I was very distressed when the show came to end half a decade ago.

Elated though I am that its back, Frank's just not Paul and he bloody knows it. I've got nothing against dear old Frank Skinner, he can be very funny sometimes, but his dodgy 'dad jokes' can get tiresome sometimes. Also, the format of the show doesn't exactly allow for the maximum 'extraction' of humour of the items hoping to be banished, nor does it have quite the 'oh god what are they going to pick now' factor or the emotional rollercoaster 'will it get it, won't it, should it, shouldn't it'... and so on. The guests never knew what was going to be picked from their list for the actual show or the order which often made the reveal hilarious to watch.

The quality of guest was much better too, especially because the show relied on just that one person to be interesting – although I thought having Ross Nobel on a couple of weeks ago was a brilliant idea. 

The concept is strong in itself, and the ridiculous props used to illustrate the items are still as funny and the inventiveness of the things banished is still there.. kind of. I can live with Frank, but he's not Paul Merton.

Its been a long running problem of mine. I've never really gotten over Mark Lamarr leaving Nevermind the Buzzcocks... So BBC, lest you wish to find yourself consigned to Room 101, here are my demands; I want Mark Lamarr back on Nevermind the Buzzcocks and Paul Merton back on Room 101! … Oh come on BBC, I don't ask for much... except maybe less government bias and populist bullshit when reporting the news. Better scheduling in the summer. Less tennis. More quality sitcoms. More debate that doesn't involve toffs scoffing...

Naaaaaaa, I couldn't possibly put the BBC into Room 101, Jeremy Clarkson would starve to death...So in it goes...

Ok, I wouldn't really do that... All we'd be left with are the orange people on ITV and people eating bananas on Channel 4 and a bunch of other channels no one really watches...

Any how, just for fun here's my list of things I'd like to try and get into Room 101;

Calories

I feel this needs no explanation. Evil bastards...

Jeans sold on the UK High Street

I love jeans. I live in jeans. Jeans are up there with many of humanities greatest achievements. Especially when anyone from the cast of True Blood is wearing them. But here's the thing. I am not a 6ft tall American male with arse like two eggs in a bean bag. Neither am I an obese English female with narrow hips, a wide waist, large stomach and slim legs. I am an obese Mediterranean female with a pinched waist, wide hips, thighs it would take the best part of a week to slice through and an arse you could play a game of scrabble on. So high street of the United Kingdom, I implore you to embrace your multicultural population and buy in some plus size jeans that actually fit women with small waists and big thighs. I'm fat not bloody pregnant!!!!!

Okra

Slimy and furry simultaneously... Not a quality I find appealing in anything to be honest.

People who look down their noses at pets

What did they ever do to you? You're mean. MEAN!!!

Cluster fuck culprits

These are people who insult you without you realising it. They plant said cluster in your short-term memory. It might be an hour later, it might be a whole day but when you remember what they said it will fuck up the next 4 four hours, or the next four years. We all know at least one of them and they must be punished.

Cypriot houses

Or more specifically Cypriot houses that have identity crisis. Its a common problem in Cyprus that may affect 1 in 3 houses in your area. Symptoms can include but are not limited to 'Parthenonitis' where a house will magically sprout marble or concrete cylinders in its hallways from the floor all the way to the top of the ceiling. Also, common is 'Museumenza' where the house will create an atmosphere in one of its rooms that is so cold and sterile no one will ever go in there, and this usually occurs in the same room as 'Wedding-gift-shiteus' where it accumulates all unwanted or pointlessly acquired artefacts from the houses conception.

Kristin Stewart

When she learns to scream in fear realistically she can come out...

The crap they spray on grapes

No matter how much you wash them there's always a bit left that just coats your tongue like when you accidentally breathe in air freshener mist...

Tory voters

Don't panic, it'll be nice. Just as like a field trip for a day. Preferably on the first Thursday of May 2012... and again in 2015. and 2020. and 2025......

Mum's quote of the day

"He's dancing in Arabic, not in Greek"

I didn't know you could dance in a particular language but apparently its possible.

Mum's quote of the day

MUM: When is the American election?
ME: Which one?
MUM: The Amazouri one.

Perspectives on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is all about perspective...

The Loner

If you're single and lonely the chances are you've spent today weighed down by a mix of jealousy, despair and abandonment. Those who bow to mainstream culture spend today watching happy couples holding hands and long to be in a couple themselves, torn apart by the idea that they cannot find love. Much like the elderly at Christmas, spare a thought for the lonely on Valentines. Give them a smile and wave. And perhaps give the door bell a ring if you haven't seen them come out of the house by the 17^th...

The Newly Dating

These are normally the people The Loners are watching. They have to celebrate Valentine's Day without fail, if only to prove that they are not alone. They have probably been dating a couple of months and are identifiable by the hand upon each other's arses, the loving gaze and the myriad of pointless gifts - 'I heart you' plaques, oversized teddy bears, overpriced chocolate boxes etc... There will be an expensive meal, lots of flowers and possibly even a West End show normally fuelled by the desperate need to show off, or the desperate need for attention.

The Not Really Alone Loner

Even more likely to get depressed than the singletons of the world, people who are in long distance relationships probably have the hardest time on Valentine's Day. You can't see your partner, you can't get a date and you can't go out because everywhere you go you'll be reminded that they're not with you most days, not just Valentine's Day. I have been the Not Really Alone Loner many times in the past – being single on Valentine's Day has never bothered me, but being apart from the one you love when everyone gets to celebrate being together hurts like a kick in the chest.

The Anti-Valentine's

Getting together with your other single friends on Valentine's may look like a desperate attempt to stave off loneliness, from the outside. However, speaking as someone who has spent a fair few Valentine's with her mates I can tell you that's not always the case. Who says Valentine's Day has to just be about couples? People send cards, flowers and messages to their parents and children, so why not spend an evening acknowledging how much your friends mean to you? After all, they bring you happiness and good company all year long too... Guys, have I told you all just how much I love you lately?

The Indifferent

I have much respect for those who bypass Valentine's as if it isn't happening. Believe me, its harder than you think it is. And, no, these people are not cheap skates, or unsentimental, or bitter. They just happen to get on with their lives without making too big a fuss about a day that is commercially driven and, to be fair, loses a lot of its sentiment in the pressure that it imposes on people in relationships. And by that I mean, can you imagine the number of 'OMG you forgot!?????!!' fights that are likely to happen in the next few hours???

The Long Term Couple

Those who have been in a relationship some time and have a mutual respect for one another will either have a routine Valentine's or more likely ignore it all together. Of course, for some its a chance to spend sometime together without anyone else. Couples out there shouldn't feel pressured to celebrate today, but if you haven't had as much time alone together as you would like think of it as an opportunity to be selfish for a change and go out and treat yourselves. You don't necessarily need cards, or flowers or chocolates. Just think about what you love to do together the most and do it – but preferably not in front of children, the elderly, the lonely or pets...

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day.

Valentines

Whatever your luck, have a hilarious Valentines Day... And many thanks to Sarah Milican for posting this on Twitter...

Mum's quote of the day

"He needled it all in"

Mum's other other quote of the day

"You went on the ice glazer"

Mum's other quote of the day

"Put front. Don't put fuck. You'll get a virus!"

Mum's quote of the day

"Wobby Tits Front"

Mum's other quote of the day

"Why cut about the bush?"

Mum's quote of the day

"You were terrified. Your five minutes of starhood."

Mum's quotes of the day

"She's closed her arse"


"What's this place? Hunchdown?"

Mum's other quote of the day

"It's one of those Panther films"

Please if you know what she's talking about let me know too...

Mum's quote of the day

"More guns. Where do they find these guns from?"


Right on mum. That's a question everyone should be asking.

Mum's quote of the day

"That one that wants to be President. He's got the whole of Florida."

Mum's other quote of the day

"They had a pizza. I don't know if they've still got it."

Mum's quote of the day

"You know that 'One Show'. It's on for half an hour. It feels like it's on for one hour."

Mum's quote of the day

"Philip's got flat hands as well"

Mum's quote of the day

"They say that swimming releases enzymes."

Arthur Vs. Arthur

I first saw the 1981 version of Arthur when I was, quite frankly, too young to understand it. But I always had fond memories of it, and its sequel which I saw when I was a little older. So much so, that when I found out my boyfriend hadn't seen it, I immediately insisted he witness the legend that is Arthur.

As you can imagine, when I heard they were re-making it, my ears pricked up with cat-like distrust. What were they going to do to my Arthur? Many Dudley Moore fans the world over had the same reaction as me, confidently declaring that no matter who played the role, they would never fill the shoes of a man who is as synonymous with the lovable drunk as Sean Connery is as James Bond. Moore was nominated for Best Actor at the Oscars and Arthur won 2 of its 4 Oscar nominations in 1982.

I had mixed emotions when I finally found out that Russell Brand would be playing Arthur. I have a love/hate relationship with Brand's public identity. I find him funny, pleasant to listen to and have enjoyed his films. They'll never win Oscar's, but they're a good example of 'Films for Friends'. I was on his and Ross' side during Sachgate for reasons too long winded to go into here. On the other hand, I sometimes find him arrogant and self-involved, and there are times when he really over does it. Nevertheless I decided to watch it, if only to satisfy my curiosity. First impressions were not good. I had worked myself up so much that I was determined I would hate it. In actual fact I was a little indifferent. I knew there was something wrong with the film but I couldn't quite work out what it was. Upon inspecting many of the reviews of the film, I don't think anyone else knew quite what was wrong with it either. To call them mixed reviews would be an understatement – all with seemingly legitimate criticisms and praise.

Well, one bored afternoon I decided to re-watch it – easy viewing to occupy my wandering mind. Something odd happened. I actually enjoyed it. Had I been younger I think I might have really loved it. One of the things often overlooked about the 2011 remake of Arthur is its certification. It's 12A in the UK. The original was 15 and for good reason. Right from the first scene Arthur is seen picking up a prostitute in the most unapologetic and sexist manner short of misogyny possible, before making light of incestuous rape. The Batman scene in the remake just doesn't resonate in the same way. And this is the by far the biggest difference between the two films. The character and the story maybe similar on the surface but they are different films, with different attitudes made in very different times.

So where do Arthur (1981) and Arthur (2011) differ?

The most obvious change is in Hobson, who in 1981 was played by Sir John Gielgud and received an Oscar for his performance. Possibly in order to make up for the small number of women in the original film, Hobson goes from being a butler to a female nanny, played by the slightly overrated Helen Mirren. Its not that I don't like her as an actress, its just that I sometimes wonder what all the fuss is about. Most professional critics seem to unquestionably praise her performance, unlike amateurs tapping out a few words on IMDb. Either way, the dynamic between Hobson and Arthur changes significantly. Hobson's sincere love for Arthur is revealed much later in the original, making his passing all the more intense. Also, butlers are less responsible for a child's behaviour than a nanny might be. It is even pointed out in the 2011 film by Arthur's mother that Hobson should have better cared for him. Once the idea had been presented to me it kept me a little distracted for the rest of the film.

Arthur's would be arranged wife Susan who barely appears in the original is played in the remake by the annoying and abysmal actress Jennifer Garner. The woman cannot act. I can't make it any clearer or more concise. She seems to be type cast into these horrible, irritating roles where it's incredibly difficult to sympathise with her even when she is in the right. No danger of that here though. She is painted as an absolute monster, rather than the innocent victim of the 1981 version. Perhaps her character is an insight into how threatened Hollywood feels about unfeeling, driven women. Or perhaps they think an audience is unlikely to buy into the idea that a woman could be as naïve and stupid as Susan was in 1981.

The love interest, famously played by Liza Minnelli in the original, Linda undertakes a odd transformation. First, for reasons I can only imagine to be personal to the director or screen-writer, her name is changed to Naomi. She goes from being a bolshie, sarcastic load-mouth New Yorker to a childlike girl next door. Her new character was a little too wet for me. I loved Minnelli as the quick witted Linda. Her one-liners were hilarious. However, her change in personality was probably unavoidable to match Brand's more childlike Arthur. However, there is one change in her that is clearly a sign of the times. A nod towards the idea that women are stronger now and more independent. In the original, for all of Linda's huffing and puffing, she forgives Arthur on more than one occasion almost instantaneously and never asks him to get his act together, instead accepts him as the drunk, flawed man that he is. If the remake had any reason to exist, and redeemed itself in any way, it was show this social change. She won't take him back unless he grows up – something women nowadays can relate to and agree with more than they might have in the early eighties.

Finally, Arthur himself becomes not only a different actor but an entirely different man. Moore was commended in 1981 for his performance, while Brand was criticized for even thinking about talking on the role. One of the biggest issues with Brand is his public persona. He is the personification of Marmite and some people would have been ready to lambaste him no matter how well he played the part. Many scorned his acting ability. Although its not the best, the only real trouble that I had believing he was a drunken millionaire was that he doesn't actually come across as drunk. Brand is a recovering alcoholic, you'd think he'd have enough experience to draw on. I can only assume that he has forgotten how to be a drunk. Moore's drunk was spot on. Everything from the slurred speech, posture, lack of balance and the brilliant delivery of crap jokes with the self-rewarding single honk of laughter that followed. As funny as being drunk appears to be, often the truth is that no one is laughing but the person who's drunk and Moore captures that in Arthur so wonderfully. Tool helps to show just how much Linda loves him. Laughing even though he's making a fool of himself. Brand, on the other hand, is too busy trying to look witty and clever than actually portray how a real drunk person really behaves. He portrays Arthur the way Arthur assumes he appears, although its unlikely that Brand is aware of this. It doesn't really work and its not really all that funny.

All in all, while the original had its draw backs the current film has lost the essence with which the original was made. The acting is far poorer, the cinematography more friendly than the harsh reality portrayed in 1981 and New York's beauty is lost to Brand's ego, to the detriment of the film. Many elements of the original are preserved, some scenes word for word but those words are said in an entirely different world. One where women no longer see looking after men as a duty and alcoholism is no longer a forgiveable vice. One word that comes up time and time again for this remake is 'pointless'. Worth a watch, if only to see Jennifer Garner almost get splattered under a magnetic bed and but nothing worth getting excited about. 

Dudely remains the one and only Arthur Bach.